It?s really hard to define the relationship without having ?The Talk??no matter how awkward it is to make it official! | Source: ShutterStock
True life? I?m kind of afraid of commitment. Having ?The Talk? is something I dread more than anything. I hate having to define a relationship, because, like I said, I?m a bit of a commitment-phobe??and because it?s sort of an awkward conversation to have, because you?re exposing yourself (not in a pervy way) and making yourself vulnerable. And that?s scary?and I always manage to mess it up.
For example: At the beginning of what eventually became a long distance relationship, I flew out to see a guy who later became my boyfriend. The morning I had to leave, at like, 7 AM, he turned and asked me, ?So what do we do now?? And I don?t know if my brain was still asleep or if I was just dealing with crippling fear of commitment, but I responded thusly:
?How about waffles? Can we get waffles??
Thankfully, this dude got me well enough to approach it a bit more directly later on when I was mentally prepared for it.
For a while, I considered avoiding ?The Talk? altogether. The next dude I dated was awesome?we?d talk everyday and hook up, but never had ?The Talk? to define the relationship, because I figured it was sort of obvious that we were boyfriend and girlfriend at that point . . . except it wasn?t obvious to him, because I found out he was still seeing other girls since, well, we didn?t bother to define the relationship. D?oh!
As a result, I learned that I sort of need to get over being afraid of commitment and having ?The Talk??in part because I realized that the times I fear having ?The Talk? and settling down most are the times when it already looks like me and whoever I?m seeing aren?t on the same page. When one person is clearly more invested than the other, it?s terrifying for everyone involved: there have been times when dudes were way more into me than I was into them and wanted more than I was ready to offer, and there have been times when the tables were turned.
Ultimately, a fear of commitment and a fear of having ?The Talk? to define a relationship are really just clever disguises: the real fear is of getting hurt. But ?The Talk? is a lot less scary when you?re having it with the right person, because you won?t be so nervous or reluctant. Instead you?ll actually be stoked to take everything to the next level.
Have you ever had a hard time with ?The Talk? to define a relationship? Have you ever been able to define a relationship without having ?The Talk?? How do you usually approach a ?Define the Relationship? talk? What?s the best way to make it official? Tell us in the comments!
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